Never jokes

What did Santa use as a candy cane?

Wait, wait, I said it wrong.

Okay.

What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.

Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!

What show has something orphans will never have?

American Dad!

What went up but never came down?

Stephen Hawking's IQ.

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?

When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.

Why can't an orphan go on away games?

Their parent will never show up!

Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.

He was a great pilot ;(

Me: "WYD?"

Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."

Me: "Without me? Lol"

Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.

What do you call a burning orphan in a wheelchair? Hot Wheels.

What hit the ground first, the orphan or the apple? The apple. The orphan never hit the ground.

Why do orphans have water in cereal?

Because mom was never around to produce milk.

"Never gonna give you up."

Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?

So they can be connected.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.

Shitmate: You’re so shitable.

Me: Bring banana ice cream.

Shitmate: Never happening.

Why does Wednesday Addams never blink?