My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"
"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"
I’ve never had Indonesian food. Huh...
Neither have they.(:
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
Did you hear the rumors about butter?
Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.
What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?
Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.
My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
