Never forget jokes

I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.

I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."

Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

USA: "Never forget 9/11."

Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"

USS Liberty. Never forget.

It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.

Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?

Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

I will never forget my mother and father's last words.

"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"