Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home. Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said we will never forget 911. I thought i should hope not its your phone number.
Knock knock Who's there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said that you would never forget
I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”
I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The fuck you doing whit that knife
I have a short TRUE story of how i found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend. when my brother was 12-13 years, he fucked his best friend and i saw it. i was like 4-5 years UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. all i heard was "ahh" and "mmm". the only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". i was so traumatized that i told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "he's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT.. NO YOU DUMBASS. he was playing the game "SEX". more like "GAY SEX". I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that i heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend! i actually got so curious, i opened the door and saw then doing "69". i was blank white after i saw it. i will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it. (just a btw i still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..) (he ain't no virgin not more i guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
A police man once said I will never forget 9/11 I said I hope not that’s your phone number
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "this lemonade tastes like bleach..."
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
I'll Never Forget My Grandfathers Last Words "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
I never forget my grandpa’s last words Are you still holding the ladder?
if u tell a girl there pretty they wont believe u if u tell them their ugly their never forget it....
elephants never forget.
I'll never forget my Grandads last words...SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!
i will never forget my girlfriends last words..."get off of me STOP"*slurp*...Dead
This is a poem my younger sister when she was three, recited to a crowd and I will never forget it. It is very short though.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
