Need jokes

Jack and Jill went up a hill

To pick some dill.

Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,

And he needed a painkiller pill.

I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.

The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫

Official Dj Penaldo playlist.

1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"

Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

I don't need this shit!!

Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

I don't need this shit!

So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."

I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'

I don't need this shit!

Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.

My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

"Shout out to entity...welcome to hell!"

"Every time I see your icon I vomit lol."

"Get a life... hey I'm violet olivegarden how can I help you if you need me to disc someone ill help..."

You got the whole crowd of people laughing when looking at you.

That face needing some laughing pills.

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

A vampire goes to the bakery.

Vampire: "One bun, please."

Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

What’s the best thing about midgets??

They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.

Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.

What do pimps and farmers have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.

Why can't an orphan go to school? He needs a parent admission form to get in.

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!

I wish I could follow you, though.

But you need an account so I could follow you, but you don't have one. :'(

Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.

Orphan: My parents!

Me: You know that word?

This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

I hope Stephen Hawking's an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-cart.