Need jokes
I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!
Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
Is it just me, or do these gays need to leave me alone?
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
Titanic: ight, I need a place to CRASH tonight.
Your hairline is so bad when you need a role model who has been having a tough life, you go to your barber.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.
Random person: What stuff? 🤨
Me: What?
The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!
Me: Colourful flamingo fart.
Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.
You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.
If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?
A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"
Yo mama's so ugly that Sonic needed to go fast to get away from her face.
Who needs parents to be great?
"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.