My Jokes

My nan's gayyyyyy.

Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(

I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

But no one would do it.

I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!

Who likes eating ass?

My Little Pony.

My PC.

My mum.

What's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a car in my garage.

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.

My phone was at 10%, and my friend said it better not shut down like Stephen Hawking.

Guys, I'm sorry about these bad puns. I should've kept my big Meowth shut.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I answered, "Happy."

The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

Well, I don't have a joke but... I have a poem.

My dick is red, your pussy is blue. I... lied to you.

Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.

You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?

My life.