My jokes

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

My sister's boyfriend is mad because I fucked his girl.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.

Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?

I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.

Calculate my dick, virgins!

Fila is a cool brand. I fill a cock in my ass.

My friend, Jackson Huge-T, got raped by Huge-D's.

My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

Sean's hairline recedes faster than my grades.

My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

My joke is about Archer, riddles, sex life. Wait, sorry, there is none.

Thanks for reading Archer’s love life story.

I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."

Guys, my sister's pregnant!

I'm finally a dad!