The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" đ
My Jokes
My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"
I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.
He thought it was eggcellent.
As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "Thatâs my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "Thatâs my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it wonât fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldnât fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
I got fired from a pickle factory for getting my finger caught in a slicer. They only gave *her* the day off with pay... unfair!
I didnât like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
Me: Hi Kallen.
Kallen: Hi.
Me: You're too big to fit in my car.
I speak for the trees.
*Trees whisper in my ear*
They said six million wasn't enough.
My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, Iâm right here if you need help."
Sister: "Thatâs my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.
I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!
Don't touch my pickles - they are very picklish.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
My sister's boyfriend is mad because I fucked his girl.
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
