My jokes

Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."

My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!

How do you know it's full?

Because there's not mushroom inside.

I wish I could tell you about my penis, but it's too short.

Why doesn't my egg want to crack?

Because I hate my egg-sistence.

If you like this kind of stuff, then sub to my YouTube channel: https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCMmYegHG5zb6Kj9hIQk5Y2g

Fuck, my dad has cancer, lol.

Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?

What do orphans use to make breakfast? My ass! 🤣🤣

So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.

People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.

Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.

Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”

I was gonna clean my room

before I got high.

what's black and red and is a liquid?

my scars!

A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."

A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."

<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*

Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."