My jokes

I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.

Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.

Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.

Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

  • 1

    • My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?

    It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.

    I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

    I think someone must've poached it.

    911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

    This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.

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    • Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?

    I wake up and I find myself on the floor.

    I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.

    My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

    If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

    Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going home and walk home and I got home.