My jokes

I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

I saw a lady in a bikini on the beach, so I walked up to her and said, "LET ME STICK MY DICK UP YOUR BIG ASS!"

There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."

Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.

So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.

This didn't actually happen.

My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?

I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...

My girl walks in the room in nude mode and sat on my dick. I said, "What up, your pussy?" She said, "Your dick."

I wish my lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself.

I wish my grass was edgy...

then it would cut itself...

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.

But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.

Today my toilet paper ran across the road, but it got stuck in the crack.

Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”

Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.

Sadly, blind jokes are cruel. A kid at my school was punched the other day for being blind.

Sadly, he didn't see it coming.

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

Hi! I love that you love a good time of my day.

I love my dog!