My jokes
For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.
Okay so not a joke but like- There's a fucking noose in my school gym.
"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"
"I think you should ask yourself that."
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.
They said: "Because I lost my parents."
I said: "Let's find them."
They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.
So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
Yo mama is so ugly, when I took a picture of her, my phone screen cracked.
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"