My jokes

My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.

Anyone want to fuck? Cause my sisters are such cunts!

A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her.

When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣

I ordered my sandwich at a restaurant on 9/11 spicy, it came out plain.

Me in the middle of the night boiling water.

Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?

My brother: How?

Me: You boil the hell out of it.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

I heard guns kill people, so I gave up my right to own one.

Then I heard dicks rape people, so I chopped it off.

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?

Why is my plane delayed?

Because someone hit the Sears Tower.

I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.

Roses are red, The forest is bushy, OMG did you just cum in my pussy?

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

Thank the Lord for my two huge balls!

Me: I have lost it.

Random: Lost what?

Me: My will to live.

Yo, hairline is as accurate as my jump shot.

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!