My jokes
Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.
Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)
Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.
Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.
Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.
Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.
I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?
If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!
Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.
I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."
Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?
I'm sorry my jokes are so bad.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
Finish the lyrics: Can I put my...
Yo, little sister, pussy taste so GOOD on my TONGUE!
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"
My grandpa died in 9/11. He crashed a plane.