A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"
Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."
"The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"
Your mum is so fat when she died the Earth was flat! 😂😂😂😂
What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
Why are tomatoes green? Because they rot, like your mum.
Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
Me: "Cya"
Mom: "Where ya going?"
Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."
Mum: ...
Q: What type of flowers do orphans hate? A: Mums.
Your mum eats cabbage.
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
Your mum went to the dentist so she could install Bluetooth.
Your mum's hairline was so big that Dora the Explorer could not find it.
Your mum's hairline was so long that you decided to get therapy.
Mum: Why are you throwing a paper plane at the twins?
Me: 😈
Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.
Yo mum's so dumb, she went to the library to find Facebook.
