What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?
"May divorce be with you."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Thanos snapped.
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy.... I'd like him to eat me."
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
"TINY HANDS, EVEN TINIER BRAIN" ==========================
(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic :
......"Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man ? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!" (< leap week, muthafukas !) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that's synonymous for being fucked up, for instance"....
STUMP : TEENY DICK
BUMP : TINY TIT
GUMP : DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP : A FUCKED UP CHILDREN'S DISEASE
LUMP : IF IT'S MALIGNANT, YOU'RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP : OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP : AN ASS
DUMP : A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP : SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP : SEE "HUMP"
. . . and last, but definitely not least --
JUMP : JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL !!
.... "Well that's about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse !! ......(splort!, plop!)....... OOOOPS !! ..... sniff,sniff ........ Ewww !" (audience roars) "Fuhhhhk !... I better go, 'cause I just went !! ..... Ha! ha! ha!"
......"Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen ! Good Night !!" ............
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin', guns poppin')
"OH LORDY !!... HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN' THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!"
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi.........with the windows down) .......Amen. ==============================
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
Yo mama is so ugly, she gave Michael Myers nightmares.
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
if stephen hawking was in a horror movie .... would he make his robot try and shout “aaaaaaaaah help me , i can’t move i’m too scared” ???
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
Survival Guilt.
Have you seen the new movie "Constipated"?
No, it hasn't come out yet
Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging- think the opening line goes something like “they see me rolling, they hating”
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
