Morbid Jokes

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during world war two. He was an officer. Me: Cool, what rank of officer? Jim: SS. Me: ...

Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...

In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle dave...

Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself. Everyone else in the minefield...

i nailed my sister's............ picture on the wall

you dirty minded bastard.

My dad And I were fishing one day

That’s where he met my step mom

Child: *drinking milk*

Farmer: hey, what are you doing?

Child: oh I just milked one of your cows

Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls

Child: *realizes*

Jokers are all about the delivery. Except abortion jokes...

What's the difference between dementia and a strawberry? I dont know. I forgot.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

Me: Hey, do you wanna here a joke. Friend: Sure. Me: Why don't churches have WiFi? Friend: Why? Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

there was a animal on my porch then i shot in the head it was strange that it had coffee in its hand, i flipped it over and it was an animal but it looked a lot like my kid.

a morbid joke would be whats going on in my mind

Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and a emo kid A. The Phrase Jump Rope mean to different things

Q. Whats the difference between a normal kid and a emo kid A. One has Functioning neck

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"