What's the Difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos. The bar code on the emo kid gets longer everyday.
What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe
White Vans
Bully: i bet ur dick is so small when u look down you cant see it
Guy: i dont, i see ur mom
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret and I said, well you never know when you need to pick a lock
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down ..."
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
What do you find in jeffrey dahmer's shower
Heads and shoulders
My son asked me how i'm so clean,"inside out.". I told him because of bleach. the next day I found him drinking the bleach.
I like my men like i like my whiskey. irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxegen.
what con you say both at a funeral and during sex???
this whould be much better if you where alive
My nickname should be night light...because kids turn me on...
Jared from Subway-Remember kids tuna sub backwards is what I'm going to do on your face
So I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier the look on her face or that the abortion clinic let me keep her
What do most 50-year-old men put inside there cars
Children
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike I just collect body parts
Why do hospitals have fans? To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
billie: hi
me: you wanna hear a story?
billie: yes sure
me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.
