Morbid jokes
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
"Windows 10 shutting down."
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.
I thought it was polite to open the door for a lady, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they eat the bat.
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.