Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Friend

So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

Suicide

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.

Miscarriage

What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?

Her Miscarriage.

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  • 9/11

    What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.

    Time

    Hi, I have a question for you.

    Did you know that reading this is wasting your time?

    Yeah, sorry xD

    Death

    Robin Williams' death was the most horrible impression ever given. (RIP Robin Williams, you will be missed!)

    Mom

    Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.

    Part

    What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

    Priest

    Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!

    Your mommy.

    Kid

    A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.

    So I threw him out the window!

    Migraine

    One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.

    The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.

    Policeman

    What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?

    At least a Christian kneels in church.