What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
A man walks into a bar.
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.
What’s red and cries?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
What's the difference between a club and a bar?
I can only get dead hookers from the club alleyways.
Gwen sucks!
What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?
Nothing.
Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.
I love going to Hooters and looking at the menu... If you know what I mean;)
Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I never knew them.
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is? "Oui, oui!"
