Morbid jokes

My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."

I went into a CS:Go lobby and all I heard for ten minutes straight was, "Act like you're hard, but your dad beat you harder."

Okay, so basically I'm monky.

Come on guys, please let's play Roblox. My name is xX_robloxGamer420Po_Xx.

What did the south tower say to the north tower? It said: nothing.

9/11 joke.

What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?

A Catholic priest.

My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.

Poopies in my undies.

Hippity hoppity, women are property!

I am cool.

Hahahahahahaha!

Loser.

Why do I call my dog a vibrator?

Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.

What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?

One doesn't eat their husband out.

Bowser ordered his Goomba guards to arrest me because I wrote graffiti on the walls saying "The Koopalings are evil!" "Kill the Koopalings!" and "Down with the Koopalings!"

What do you call an Indian lesbian? Minge-eater.

So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

Why can’t Asians play baseball?

Because they can’t see the ball.

What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.

What do you call black people in pool?

Coco Pops.

Hi, I have a question for you.

Did you know that reading this is wasting your time?

Yeah, sorry xD