Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."
An Irishman walks into a pub.
What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?
One doesn't eat their husband out.
Bowser ordered his Goomba guards to arrest me because I wrote graffiti on the walls saying "The Koopalings are evil!" "Kill the Koopalings!" and "Down with the Koopalings!"
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
What do you call an Indian lesbian? Minge-eater.
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
Why can’t Asians play baseball?
Because they can’t see the ball.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
What's good about 9/11? It helped solve the world's overpopulation issue.
Joke.
What do you call black people in pool?
Coco Pops.
Hi, I have a question for you.
Did you know that reading this is wasting your time?
Yeah, sorry xD
Robin Williams' death was the most horrible impression ever given. (RIP Robin Williams, you will be missed!)
Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.
...... fuck the turtles...... THE END
Yeah, I’m LGBTQ.
LETS GO BULLY THE QUEERS!
