Morbid Jokes

I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.

What is long and not hairy?

The conga line in the cancer department.

My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."

Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

They told me I could never be an actor.

No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.

What's the difference between drugs and kids?

I don't sell drugs.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"