Morbid jokes

You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.

My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."

So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.

I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.

Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.

What does a rock and a girl have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

I gave up hope and I liked it!!

I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})

Part 1: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 2: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 3: Two men were walking down the way when the third one came.

Part 4: Guess what... two men were walking down the way when the second one fell in the sewers and died... The first one was lonely.

What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.

So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."

Better to cum in the sink... than to sink in the cum.

I blend children to make a good living.

What do women and moldy bread have in common?

A yeast infection.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, he got nailed before he died!

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

"Why do people call Americans excessive?"

"It was probably because of WWII."

"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"