Morbid jokes
I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.
My name is Joe Biden, and I am running for US Senate.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
your mom
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."
So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.