Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
Shut the f*ck up.
Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.
Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?
"No."
Yeah, but then he woke up.
What’s an emo's favorite singer?
Slash.
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
What do you call women's rights: A blank sheet of paper.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.
That’s the punch line.
