Morbid jokes
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
Titanic: "And I'm nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!"
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
Kick his mother in the jaw
Why did God create women with pussies?
Because:
1. Of course, God is a man.
2. Of course, he isn't gay.
3. Of course, he is a perv too (for wanting more pussies)!
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
What's more fun than nailing a baby to the floor?
Ripping it off with a kick!
How ISS greets their friend.
"You the BOMB!"
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
A redneck and a Black man walk into a bar and order a drink.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Happiness.