Morbid jokes

What do you call an Indian lesbian? Minge-eater.

What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.

What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.

So you wanna play like that, ayy? Well, Sydney didn't wanna play like that either, and that's why you got arrested.

Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.

Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.

This is the biggest joke ever - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5j-BH_WdBXdzeoOdG2v2dA

Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.

I lost my virginity once and found it in a store being sold off.

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"

Me.

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

My family is like a treasure.

You need a map and shovel to find them.

What's the difference between apples and dead babies?

I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.

Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.

Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?

What did the boy say to the noose?

"Can you please tie me."

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.