Morbid jokes
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Wanna hear a funny joke?
My life.
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
When was the only time you could see people base jump without a parachute?
2001/9/11.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.
We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"
I like my women like I like my chocolate.
Edible.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.