Morbid jokes

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.

What is a female gamer's favorite part of the controller?

The joystick.

The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

What's a Latino's favorite sport? Lacrosse.

What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

What's the best way to get them out?

A blender.

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.

"I created the Human Torch."

I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.

My father said I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones.

A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit.

So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?

Pedophiles don't win races because they like to come in a little behind.

There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.

When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.