Morbid jokes
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
When I was born the doctors said, "it's a boy!" Then when they went to cut the umbilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said, "Oh, it's a girl."
O Dario tem namorada?
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
Q: What do you call white people on a black bus?
A: Oreo
Rock, paper, lesbians.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.
I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.