Morbid jokes
An Irish-man walks out of a bar.
A baby seal walks into a club...
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.
Except my depression.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
My wiener's small.
Girl 1: Dad, why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because a rose landed on your head.
Girl 2: Hey, Dad, why is my name Daisy?
Dad: Because a daisy landed on your head.
Boy: Hitddvjkyrefbhhhrurrrr!
Dad: Oh, hey Brick!
The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.
I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.
I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.
What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
What do you call three people in a dark room? A porno.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
Where does a girl with one leg work?
IHOP.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.