Morbid Jokes

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

Why do Nazis not wear necklaces, rings, and bracelets? Because they hate jewelry.

What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.

What do you call 2 nudists in Africa?

Naked and Afraid.

I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

I like my people how I like my tea...

In a bag under water.

Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."

Baby: "Lmao, same"

I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣