Month Jokes

What is the shortest month of the year? May it only has 3 letters!

me: what's the fifth month of the year Friend: May me: may deez nuts fit in your mouth

If iI don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging from the roof

On the fourth month (Symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides

That day is called "April Fool's"

Guys can we change pride month to another month please my birthday is in june and im mot gay and my friends keep making fun of me i think we should change it to march because my brothers birthday is in march and thatd be funny

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

I heard he's doing a revival tour next month, it's called Stephen Hawking unplugged.

What is Hitler's least favorite month?

Jewly.

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

why is Black History Month the shortest month of the year?

What do lesbian vampires say after sex?

"See you next month."

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read "Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now" The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying "Sorry meant using your wifi"

Luke ask his friend how old is youre father James replied hes as old as me luke then said it doesent make any sense james then said he became father when i was born

Mummy how was i born? Mummy replyed well you father and i got married and soon i became fat and you came out and then in out in out and after u did that a millon times u were born

If I was an object in this world I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shity book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me....