Month jokes

Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

Everyone, take off your pride flags; it's already a new month.

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

Doctor: Ten.

Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

Jokes about menstruation are never funny, period!

I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕

And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!

Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄

May.

🚘 What is as old as the earth 🌎 and new every month? The moon.

VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.

LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.

Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.

Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

Friend: May.

Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?

Friend A: "Why are you still a virgin, bro?"

Friend B: "I was until last night."

Friend A: "Nah, nah, who with?"

Friend B: "Your sister."

Friend A: "I don't have a sister."

Friend B: "Just wait 9 months, you'll see."

How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?

She was ape-ril!

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

12/8?

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?

About nine months and a day.

I was in a wheelchair for a few weeks last month.

I went through a super traumatic experience, and I *wheely* hope I made a good *roll* model!

Man, your hairline is so bad it started from the beginning of the month to the end!

What is the shortest month of the year?

May, it only has 3 letters!