Mom's jokes
(True story)
One day Sally's mom said, "I can just eat you up!" And Sally says, "No, you can't!" Then the mom asks why and Sally says, "Because I'm a beaner, and we don't taste good."
You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
Your mom is so ugly even Shrek ran away from her.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
He was a head of his class... Mom always says, "Stay ahead!"
Doin (DYM 35).
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
Your mom has a bone to pick with me.
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.
Your mom.
What's the difference between your mom and a troll?
Nothing, they both look the same.
Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.
Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!
My Countryhumans OC, Sahara, is the daughter of France and Soviet. When people ask why, I tell them it was the gendersnapped version of my parents making me. France (my dad) was drunk and Soviet (my mom) was being horny. Then they judge me, so I judge them with a knife to the chest 47 times.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Person: Where's your mom and dad?
Orphan: :(
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your mom gay, And so are you.