Mom's jokes
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"
Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.
I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.