Mom's jokes
Your mom is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Your mom's so fat, she doesn’t need internet, she’s already world wide.
Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Your mom is so ugly she made a blind kid cry.
Me: "Cya"
Mom: "Where ya going?"
Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."
Mum: ...
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.
Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
Your mom is so fat, that burger.
Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.
Orphan: Can I go outside?
Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.
Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW
Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
Why do orphans hate the letter FMD? Because F stands for "family," M stands for "mom," and D stands for "dad."