Mom's jokes
She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”
The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”
Mom: “Exactly.”
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
yes
I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.
My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.
Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.
Your hairline goes so far back that even your mom couldn’t see it.
Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.
Oh . . .
:(
Continue.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."
Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."