Mom jokes

"-JuicyFruitSnacks- A whole lot of pepper and a whole lot of salt. If I blame it on my friends, it won't be my fault."

-Mully- This is my mom left!!

Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?

Are you kidding me?!?

My mom wanted me to brush my hair.

And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...

Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.

What did the orphan say to his mom?

Where are you?

Me: *in a family meeting*

Mom: Ok guys...

Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA

Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.

Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.

Teacher: Why?

Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.

Your mom is fat, and that's a joke.

Ur mom so stupid that she thought that Seventeen has four ghost members.

Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.

Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

Mom: Okay......

Dad: He's grounded.

Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

Mom: Soon honey, soon....

Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."

Clarie: I don't even care if it was a joke he made on me, you and Karlen, and if you think I'm getting over it, then you must have an oatmeal for a brain.

Jordan: Clarie ... you are so sensitive when she tells a little joke about you, me, and Karlen.

Clarie: It was painful!

Jordan: Who cares? I laughed. Ben is not a bad person, okay, calm down.

Clarie: Ben is a bad person. We are making friends with a bully/thug, but you say that he is not a "bad person", my mom is going to kill me if she finds out that I am hanging out with those kinds of people!

Jordan: Then don't tell her! Listen, I need you, give Ben a chance! Please?

Clarie: Shush, Karlen is coming!

Karlen: Hey guys, that Ben guy for sure has a way of saying words, I wish I could hurt him!!

Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇

👱LADY: Hi. 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: How old are you? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your mom's name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What about your dad? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell GOD? 💂LIT.BABY: (spelling) G.O.D

If a little baby can spell GOD, what about you? Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if [you] know [that you] will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace, ignore if you are living by power. MINE: GOD 😃

Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"

Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"

Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"

The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"

Kid: “What happened to Dad?”

Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”

African Kid: "Mom, can we have water?"

Mom: "Sure, it's in the house."

African Kid: *Goes to the fridge and opens the door searching for cold water*

The fridge: ERROR 404 Water Not Found

Hey, Mom, I am ugly.

"Facts," my mom says.

My mom loved taking pics of me when I was a child. Thanks to that, people really believe my fake smiles! :3