Mom jokes
When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.
Me: You f&*k up.
The class: Oh sh!&
Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.
Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
Why couldn't your mom make you dinner? Because she's dead!
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
Your mom is so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.