Mom jokes
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
I like to eat mom's spaghetti. Now try it with the NEWWWW VEGETTIIII, turn any vegetable into pasta!
Ur mom, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I have no friends :'(
Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!
Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!
Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...
Mom:....
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
How old is uuuuuurrrr mom?
Five.
Cringe.... I know that was a crap joke... not even a joke.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
Your mom.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
Why did the strawberry cry?
Her mom was in a jam.
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.