Mom jokes
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
On Xbox Live, an orphan can say "they f-ed your mom," so you can say, "at least mine didn't die from it."
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Your mom is so old, she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.
Your mom is a mom!
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
Your momma's so fat, a whale said, "Hello, Mom!"
Connor: Hi Mom.
Mom:
Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
I fucked my mom.
if an atom makes up everything im still suprised how it made ur mom
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
A mom says to her son: "Hey, can you wave to that deaf kid over there?"
The son: "I don't know, can I?"
The mom: "May you?"
The son: "No, I don't have any arms!"
Why do I f*** my mom?
Like father like son. #batabababa
Why did I f*** my dad?
So I could have s€x without my mom finding out. Should I not have done that?
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.