Miscellaneous jokes
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?
Nein, nein, nein!
What is a "dad?"
Hogwarts is making a new condom. It's called "fetus deletus."
What do you call a bitch?
You call it a female dog.
Why am I idiot?
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
I'm really bad at giving directions, but don't take that the wrong way.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!
qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm!
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
What’s white and crunchy and swings through trees?
A meringue-atang.
The egg that beat Kylie Jenner.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"