Miscellaneous jokes

What did the chicken say when he crossed the road?

Quack!

Why does Waldo wear stripes?

He doesn't want to be spotted.

There was a dino at the library today. It was reading a thesaurus.

Year 10 English.

But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F.

Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.

Have you heard of the restaurant Karma?

There is no menu because you only get what you deserve.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.

Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"

"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."

"What else, Watson?"

"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What Else, Watson?"

"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"

"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"

What is you you?

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?

Snowballs.

Not many people know this, but Soulja Boy was the lead role in a very successful children's movie a while ago. Released to theaters nationwide in 2006 was Honey, I Crunked the Kids.

How do crazy people get through a forest?

They take the psycho-path!

What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.

Why was your mom so into me?

'Cause she was the man.

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

Q: Why can't you run through a campground?

A: You can only ran, because it's past tents!

Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?

You wanna hear a joke? It's YOU.