What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.
How do spiders reach the internet?
Through the World Wide Web!
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.
Mom: "Okay, any questions?"
Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."
Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."