Miscellaneous

Miscellaneous jokes

McDonald's

Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"

Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"

Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."

  • 1
  • Grenade

    There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

    Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

  • 2
  • Pencil

    Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

    Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

    “Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

    “Correct,” says the teacher.

    The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

    Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

    “Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

    “Correct again,” says the teacher.

    The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

    This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

    Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

    Wiener

    Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

    Fat

    You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.

  • 5
  • Difference

    Q: What’s the difference between me and you?

    A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.

  • 9
  • Parachute

    Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”

  • 7
  • Guy

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

    Sitcom

    What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

    School

    The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"

    I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

  • 3
  • Cent

    What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.