what was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
a pair of Ceasars.
Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: "No, because its fat and greasy." >:D
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood
There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said "i farted and the building behind me blew up".
Your Birth Certificate is an apology from the Condom factory
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener
if tomatoes are fruit does that mean ketchup is a smoothie
your mom
You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
When do astronauts eat? At launch time!
Q: What’s the difference between me and you? A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were one a falling airplane. Their were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually their are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? -- A pool table.
Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
The teacher asked,"why are you in school on a saturday?" I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
i fell down the stairs once.
