Miscellaneous jokes

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When you're playing online with your friend, then you hear a kid scream: "No, Dad, please stop!" Scream ends with a gunshot.

How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.

My live.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

I tried to catch air once... I mist.

What is black and white and red all over?

A newspaper.

/setblock minecraft_morbid_joke

/playsound pained_laugh

What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?

They have both had a few strokes.

I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.

How do chemists laugh?

HeHe.

What do you call an owl that does magic?

Hooodini.

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"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.

"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"

Your mama so fat, she filled up Minecraft's block limit! lol XD

Why was your mom so into me?

'Cause she was the man.

I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.

When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.

YEEEHAWW!

Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.

Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.

Mom: "Okay, any questions?"

Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."

Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."