wanna hear a plane joke. nah it'll just go over you head
Knock knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya who? Sorry, I prefer Google.
What do vegetarian zombies eat? -- Graaaaiins.
My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country? A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "sweet and spicy chicken."
How do you wake up lady gaga? Poker Face.
What does McDonald's and priest have in common they both put there meet in 10 year old buns
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtan.. So your the one !
I talked to a future suicide bomber, I told him, "ISIS ain't got Sh** on me because I Planted a bomb and lived."
why cant you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? because the "p" is silent
Q:How do you make a door cry A:Twist it’s knob
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
Whats the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book? You can shut the book up
“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”
“A broken nose”
It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus
What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? LEAF me alone
Yo mama so stupid she had a staring contest with a mirror.
Some guy farts and says "That was some asshole behind me".
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each were granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said "i wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "im lonely i wish my friends were back here."
