Microwave jokes
How do you know when a rapper's been in the kitchen?
The microwave goes, "ding, ding!"
What did the rapper say to his microwave?
"Yo, heat it up, fam!"
What does Stephen Hawking put his food in? A microwave.
What does a rifle and a microwave have in common?
They both go "Ping" when they are done.
Why did the short person become a chef?
Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!
What is the difference between a microwave and a basket?
The microwave oven does not explode within the set time.
"I put the tin foil in the microwave, ma!"
What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.
Have a sink in your house? Eat it.
Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.
Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.
...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4
Why did the rapper become an electrician?
Because he wanted to SHOCK the audience with his RHYMES.
The Schönes restaurant has a great atmosphere. Order a counter and pay Tari, or Eich super made sure food and drinks stayed upright.
The historic gastronomy of the Hochspreizener, however, is even better. The lasagna is delicious and the rest will be waiting for you for days. Microwave effect. War is great.
This company is not cheap and the methods are excellent.
What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?
A baby in the microwave!
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you?
A microwave.
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
What's the resemblance between a microwave and human reproduction?
They both make a sound at the end.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...