Microwave jokes

What did the rapper say to his microwave?

"Yo, heat it up, fam!"

How do you know when a rapper's been in the kitchen?

The microwave goes, "ding, ding!"

What does Stephen Hawking put his food in? A microwave.

What does a rifle and a microwave have in common?

They both go "Ping" when they are done.

Why did the short person become a chef?

Because they could "microwave" dinner without needing a stool!

"I put the tin foil in the microwave, ma!"

What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.

Have a sink in your house? Eat it.

Have a mouse in your house? Kill it.

Have a child in your house? MICROWAVE IT.

...just kidding. Now watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5tjtUFL0j4

Why did the rapper become an electrician?

Because he wanted to SHOCK the audience with his RHYMES.

What's red and bubbly and scratches at the microwave glass?

A baby in the microwave!

What do you call it when a midget waves at you?

A microwave.

Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.

Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.

Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.

Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.

Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.

Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.

Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.

Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.

I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.

Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.

Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.

Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.

Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.

Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.

Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.

Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.

Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.

Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.

I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.

Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.

Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.

Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.

How do you pet a psychopath's cat?

You get it out of the microwave.

Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)

Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?

A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.

What's the resemblance between a microwave and human reproduction?

They both make a sound at the end.

How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!