Mental Health jokes
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.
I wouldn't call a Suicide Help-line even if my life depended on it.
A man went to a library and asked the librarian if they had any books on suicide.
She replied "Oh fuck off, you won't bring it back!"
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
What's the difference between me and my pencil sharpeners? Nothing, we're both broken.
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
Q: What makes depressed kids jump?
A: Bridges.
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!