Mental Health jokes
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What school does a depressed middle school kid go to?
KMS.
Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."
Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."
Boys Vs Girls (oh god another reminder of the robbie incident)
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
How do you get an emo out of the tree?
You cut the rope.
I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.
Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Wanna hear somethin' ironic? When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.
Wanna know why I don’t make suicidal jokes?
Because I am one.
On a lighter note, I seem to have gotten my pyromania under control.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.