Medical condition

Medical Condition Jokes

Baby

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

Terri Schiavo

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

Blow job

Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?

A. She didn't know how to swallow.

Syndrome

I have a dog named Syndrome.

But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"

Folk

What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?

None of them are straight.

Epileptic

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

Arthritis

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

Cancer

Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?

Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”

He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.

EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.

WebMD: Cancer.

Dark Humor

What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?

Both are sick and twisted.

Police

I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.

He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.

*I have seizures*

Leper

Two lepers meet on the street.

First says "How are you doing?"

Second says "Mustn't crumble!"

Stroke

What is it called when a depressed person gets a stroke?

A stroke of luck :)

Stroke

Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.

They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”